Chastity in vanilla life discussion

A few weeks back, I discussed the importance of chastity in my personal life before a group of roughly fifty men. It was quite an extended talk where I covered my sexual self-doubts, how my wife has gradually become more involved, and how this shift has bolstered our marriage by improving our dialogue about sex.

Am I telling you I wasn’t nervous? Not at all!

I attended a weekend retreat hosted by Connecticut Men’s Gathering (COMEGA), which provides an incredibly safe emotional environment. The goal of the hundred or so men present is to remain authentic and free from judgment as we strive to become better versions of ourselves. Each person determines what that means for them individually.

Alongside workshops, we gather in small groups of eight men, creating a more personal space for self-reflection. Three other guys in my group had heard me speak earlier; when I brought it up during our circle discussion, they were genuinely engaged. They wanted to grasp exactly what I meant and why I was doing it. I enjoyed answering their queries at length, explaining the experience of wearing a cage, setting aside some of my own desires, how chastity connects with my lifelong interest in BDSM, and how my wife fits into all this.

One gentleman mentioned that my description of our marital state BC (Before Chastity) mirrored his current situation almost perfectly. He masturbates daily (as I used to do), engages in intercourse with his wife perhaps once every six months (which seems accurate), and fears rejection when making sexual advances (just like me). He asked if he could call me after we went back home. Last Saturday, we chatted for nearly an hour. I invited him to share what was happening between him and his wife. After listening for a bit, it became clear that our life stories have been remarkably similar.

I talked about having sex versus abstaining from it. For me, wearing the cage makes going without orgasms more manageable. The urge is still there, but the device reduces the sense of urgency. I also discussed how freeing it feels to approach my wife sexually without expecting intercourse. It relieves the pressure on her, allowing her to easily choose whether she wants PIV or not.

He views us as walking similar paths, with me being a few years ahead in this journey. He really appreciates my openness and readiness to ‘spill everything’ so he can learn from what I’ve experienced. It’s wonderful for me to discuss a topic that is typically kept private.

Yesterday, he emailed to ask if we could speak again. We will meet on Saturday.

Has anyone else here had similar experiences? Please let us know.

I believe that stage of marriage is more the rule than the exception. And I'm sure it leads to plenty of unhealthy arguments. Outside of this forum, though, I've never really discussed chastity with anyone outside my online circle. Nobody in my personal life knows about it. You're very fortunate to have a group like COMEGA.

Quite an impressive story. I don't think I'd be brave enough to speak up in front of fifty strangers about chastity, especially if I didn't know how they felt about it. If those 50 people were all there because they support the practice, that would make a difference.

It's wonderful that you can help others in this way. I'm quite the kinky guy married to someone very vanilla. My wife's libido dropped significantly when our children arrived. While I don't masturbate constantly like a chronic case, my emotional well-being really suffered. I became moody and irritable, not particularly pleasant company. Then she started feeling pressured to have sex with me, which made the situation less enjoyable for both of us. Eventually, I did cheat on her, and it was discovered. I'm so grateful that my wife saw something in me/us worth saving. There's still a long road ahead to get things right. I brought up Chastity because I see it as a fun kink that can also help heal our marriage. It made me happy to see everyone here open up about how much their marriages improved, and I realized I needed to make changes too. My device hasn't arrived yet, but I've started practicing self-Chastity on my own. Personally, I've noticed a huge improvement in our relationship. It's become very clear to me that my wife does love me and wants sex with me; she just doesn't always have the energy to deal with three kids all day, homeschooling them, plus all the housework. I've made a conscious effort to help keep her from getting overwhelmed. Instead of sitting on the couch when I see chores needing attention, I do them without expecting anything in return. I truly believe Chastity will help us grow closer rather than drift apart.