Introductions discussion

Hi there, I’m uncertain whether this approach will truly work for me, but after breaking my streak in the noFap challenge at day 147, I started exploring chastity to address a persistent issue: even when you get those quick bursts of erotic feeling, you can still touch yourself. However, I’m not entirely convinced yet. Many discussions here seem to focus on using chastity as a method to keep men in a perpetual state of arousal. Personally, I managed six months without a device quite well precisely because it forced me to stop thinking about sex altogether and concentrate on self-improvement. The toughest hurdle is my upbringing under a Dominant mother (despite her claiming she’s the submissive victim). She pushes us toward being “dominant, leading men” through passive-aggressive mental and emotional pressure that ensures we do exactly what she wants. This background has led me to realize I’m fundamentally submissive, something self-help advice hasn’t really shifted. What confuses me is how everyone else seems to expect men to be 100% dominant. Even the women I talk to suggest this, or that a man’s role is merely financial support for a woman who ideally doesn’t need to work. This clashes with my long-held belief (dating back to when I was about ten) that women should lead in marriage. It’s a husband’s job to be socially dominant, yet also understanding and caring toward his wife’s needs, desires, and life goals. My father is perhaps the best example of “a true man” who is inwardly submissive. His marriage has been quite painful for him because my mother forced him into an almost 24/7 job outside the home. She still views herself as the victim of her “narcissistic husband,” even though it’s her passive-aggressive dominance that compels everyone to fulfill her wishes while pretending they are making their own choices. She is dominant but blames bad outcomes on our decisions rather than hers. The situation is complex, and I doubt many will grasp it =’[ For instance: she recently pushed my brother and me to buy a new house as an “investment.” Just five months after we closed, she’s already moving in and selling her own place to live with us. Why? She prefers the new home over the old one (which is about 14 years old) that Dad bought nine years ago. As a Christian, I haven’t found my definitive answer in scripture yet, but while chastity itself isn’t wrong or improper, I have this gut feeling that chastity play and denial using a device might actually encourage the sin of lust. The only counterargument is that nobody is perfect; many men (including me) are conditioned by porn to interpret minor environmental stimuli as sexual arousal. Perhaps I’m just still weak and need improvement, but I hope to learn from everyone here—understanding your ideas and motivations for this lifestyle—and figuring out where I fit on the spectrum.

My grandmother used to say there’s a lid for every pot. Keep improving yourself as you've been trying by observing what helps and what hinders your progress. I’m in the same boat; I want to understand why I do what I do, much of which stems from scientific literacy regarding facts I missed while growing up Christian. You are noticing extremes of submission and dominance that feel unhealthy—very good! Adhere to a moral code rooted in Christianity's golden rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. Avoid unnecessary conflict but stand your ground when long-term consequences demand it, ensuring no one gets hurt unnecessarily. Allow yourself to explore without hurting those around you; this can be challenging for young men. I chose a career path serving my fellow man because I drifted away from the churches I knew as public service and helping others became one of the most fulfilling aspects of life. Harnessing small arousing impulses and resisting them is basic Stoicism 101. The philosophy of Rome's last great emperor, who lived nearly 2000 years ago near Christianity’s rise while controlling much of the known world, might offer guidance as we navigate a modern era of excess and technological possibilities he could only dream of (as seen in his unpublished diary). Welcome! I hope you continue exploring this reality. Excited to follow your journey if you stay here.:)