Chastity in vanilla life discussion

I began wearing a cage about eighteen months ago to help balance out our significantly different libidos. My wife enjoys sex when the mood strikes her, but her drive has dropped; sometimes it takes two or three weeks for that spark to return. I had fallen into the routine of handling things on my own and was often not interested just as she became ready. After many long talks, we introduced the cage, which revived our connection and relieved the pressure on her during times when sex wasn’t top of mind. To me, it felt like being in those early years of our relationship again. My wife is definitely not a Dom—nor do I want one—and my personality isn’t suited for submission. For us, synchronization is key. Recently, however, she has been feeling guilty about not providing enough sex and removes the cage more frequently to have intercourse even when her desire hasn’t fully kicked in. I know she doesn’t enjoy it much during these times, which makes the experience quite poor for me. I’ve tried explaining that I appreciate what she’s doing, but you can tell it isn’t fun for her either. I keep saying we should focus on having sex only when she truly wants to and not stress over how long I’ve been waiting. The wait is fine with me. She gets upset then, pointing out that I told her she could take the cage off whenever she wanted because she’s doing it for my sake. She’s right; she’s very loving and caring, traits I adore, but this approach isn’t enjoyable for either of us. Does anyone have thoughts on how to handle this? A female viewpoint would be greatly appreciated.

I welcome suggestions from both men and women.

You should help your wife explore why she isn't keen on sex or why her libido is so low. There could be several reasons. Some people feel uncomfortable with their bodies and worry others think the same way. Others might simply not find satisfaction in how sex works for them, perhaps lacking the right type of sexual activity or erotic play. Can you recall what activities used to bring you two together? Was it cuddling in front of the TV? Or a day off filled with conversation and vacation-like relaxation after a busy work week? Start there. Try to help her feel at ease, which might encourage intimacy between you both. Then proceed from that foundation.

For me personally, I love a massage after a shower. Light some candles and use almond oil scented with organic sandalwood. Lie on your front first while the back and shoulders are massaged. Then move down to the legs and feet. Leave the buttocks until about half an hour in, then knead them and slip a hand around the inner thighs. No touching of the genitals yet. By that point, I am soaking wet and craving oral sex badly. Turn over onto your back for a gentle stomach massage. Then focus on the tops of the arms, slowly and gently massaging the breasts now and then. The nipples become erect, and arousal builds significantly. Sandalwood scent helps greatly, as do Neroli and Ylang Ylang oils which aid sexual tension. You will know when your partner is ready for genital touch. If she isn't, don't go there yet. Make everything about her needs, not yours.