Journals and blogs discussion

I grew up in a vanilla household. On top of that, I come from an environment where sex is the woman’s responsibility to keep her boyfriend happy. It feels wonderful at first, but eventually turns into more of a ‘duty’. As you can probably guess, our relationship didn’t last because agreeing on having sex once a week isn’t really enough when building a life together.

With my current partner, however, everything is different—and I believe this has (to some extent) to do with chastity.

We started dating in May 2017. I fell deeply for him and—as we say here in Germany—I was on cloud nine. Our sexual relationship was also excellent; I enjoyed it far more than I ever could have imagined before.

All the dates are mostly based on memory, so they are approximate. My submissive had the job of compiling a list of the important milestones as I became a key holder (see how well this is already working out!—I didn’t do all the work myself; I let him handle the thinking;) )

But let’s start at the beginning. We had a very active, vanilla sex life, and I truly enjoyed it. Then—in November 2017—he mentioned chastity to me. He is quite introverted and shy, so I know how much effort it must have taken him to bring it up. And I don’t think my response was great because I was stunned; I never expected anything like that from him. Sure, I had heard the word ‘chastity’ before, but I had never really delved deeper into what it meant beyond a vague concept. So hearing about it came as quite a shock to me. My partner probably regretted mentioning it at that moment, but since I didn’t object entirely, he decided to give it a try. A few weeks later, he showed me his ‘box’.

Here I need to pause and explain something. I could never really bring myself to call it by the word ‘cage’. I was too shy and embarrassed. So I started calling it ‘the box’, which felt much more comfortable for me. However, the name stuck, and even though I’ve gained confidence since then (and now refer to it as ‘my box’;)), we still call it the box.

Back to the story. He showed me his box, and it looked like a transparent plastic penis, which was quite a lot for me to process… I remember being totally embarrassed just looking at it.

About another week later, he put the box on for the first time. I recall us hugging in bed that night; I could feel it pressing against my bottom, and it felt very, very strange… Very uncomfortable. It didn’t last long either…. I wasn’t sure what to make of it… It feels SO odd having someone want to be locked up by you while giving you the power to decide. Why would anyone do that?? He didn’t bring the topic up again after that point, but it never left my mind completely. I remained intrigued. In the end, I thought it might be the solution to my issue—I don’t particularly love sex and often feel pressured into ‘enduring’ it regularly. If he is locked up, can’t we avoid having sex? But on the other hand—our relationship was far from being in that stage yet. So why would we need it? Or maybe… perhaps this means our relationship will never quite reach that stage??

I realize now those thoughts were rather silly. It isn’t about avoiding sex, but denying it—and teasing in return.

But I didn’t know it then. I kept thinking and finally adopted a life motto that led me to ask him again. My motto is ‘you should seize every opportunity you get to try new things’. And this idea seemed to fit perfectly within that philosophy.

So I asked again around January/February. To be honest, I don’t remember much about that specific time period other than it feeling weird and slightly off. But gradually, I became accustomed to the thought of my partner’s penis being under my control. We swapped out for a different padlock because I didn’t like the key on the old one. I wanted to wear the key as jewelry so it would look nice. So we purchased a heart-shaped padlock with a matching heart-shaped key.

Parallel to this story is another thread. I was living in England and met my partner there, too. But I felt very homesick, so I told him that I needed to move back home. For now, we are maintaining a long-distance relationship, but because of our jobs, it’s possible for us to see each other quite often.

Why am I writing all this? Well, because it is a significant part of my journey toward becoming the key holder. In May 2018, I moved back home to Germany. We were apart more frequently then. I realized that I find it much easier to write about these matters rather than speak them aloud. So I think being apart has worked very well for our chastity journey because I could make demands in writing without having to say the words out loud. Being demanding via text is SO much easier for me than using my voice. It felt silly scolding him and making demands verbally, but not when doing it through writing. Writing feels more like a fantasy to me. And yes, I have to admit, I still feel that way slightly today. But let’s get back on track. We are now in May 2018. We started using the box more and more frequently.

By August 2018 we were quite committed to it and signed up for the forum under one account: ‘Couple4517’.

But regarding the box…. The original box wasn’t really my thing at all. It was see-through and oddly shaped. My partner didn’t care for it much either because it was a bit uncomfortable, so in September 2018 we got another one—a metal box (the ‘steelworkxx looker 02’). I loved the design; it fit very well, and I lost some of my shyness, actually looking at it…. BUT… yes, there is always a BUT unfortunately.

The major flaw with this particular model was the key…. It looked ‘ugly’—I mean, it was a standard pedestal locker key. Usually they are functional rather than pretty. But after finding some forum posts where people cut and glued the locking mechanism of the key onto a heart-shaped head, we were confident we could do it too. However, we aren’t exactly the most handy couple in the world—long story short—it didn’t work out. We started looking into locksmiths and welders to see if they could design us a custom key…. Nothing happened… How annoying. Either the box is cheap and the key looks good, or the box is nice but the key is ugly:(

I thought we would never find anything… But then we discovered JosieLynn Jewels. And in January 2019, we got SUCH A PRETTY key. I was absolutely in love with it. ABSOLUTELY. So my sub could no longer remove my box because I wanted to wear my new key:P

Parallel to all of this, we began exploring a mechanism that would give me the power to unlock and relock the device for my sub. Unfortunately, we didn’t get very far with it before stopping our search at some point. We kept the key inside a tamper-evident container, so I received updates after every time my sub used the key for pleasure as well as cleaning.

Also in September 2018, parallel to the hunt for the perfect key, my partner mentioned FLR (Female Led Relationship). Hmm, what is FLR? He gave me a book to read—‘How to set up an FLR’ by Georgie Ivy Green—which was quite interesting because it included many relevant points for my journey coming from a vanilla background. It’s very engaging and on November 4th, our one-and-a-half-year anniversary—we signed our first FLR contract. Shortly after that, I created my own profile at the community site and became a verified female.

We continued along those lines into the new year with various spreadsheets and other methods for tracking everything I assigned to him as chores. The tasks kept increasing more and more until he missed many of them due to the volume.

Then I felt sad/disappointed/angry and punished him. It became less pleasurable over time because it ended up being mostly about disappointment and punishment.

We also bought a Loven Edge. Its remote functionality is good, but unfortunately, it didn’t seem very suitable for my sub since he didn’t enjoy wearing it much. Another point

on top of everything else going on back then. So in April 2019 we decided to put a pause on all - FLR, chastity, and the rest - and get our footing again. The idea came from me, but I really missed having my key. So when my partner brought up wearing it again in late August 2019, I was glad and looked forward to getting back into that routine. It ended up taking longer than I expected, yet by mid-October we were using the box once more. He caught me off guard with his sudden request for me to wear it, which made me very happy since I could have my key again. We eased in slowly. We set down some rules, but what mattered was making it work, so I insisted on keeping them as minimal as possible. We also picked up a new toy - the Lovense Hush. It works quite well given how much time we spend apart, and its remote capability is great because my sub finds it far more comfortable than Edge does. All in all, it was an emotional roller coaster with plenty of highs and lows, but I believe now we are heading in a good direction to make things work really well for us - provided we take it step by step and don’t rush anything again:)