Journals and blogs discussion

First of all, thanks for visiting my journal. This initial post will probably be quite long, so please stick with me.

The back story: Lauren and I have been together for four-and-a-half years now. We go way back to high school; we liked each other then but were both in serious relationships at the time. We tried staying connected, though distance and busy schedules eventually drove us apart.

Then came fate, luck, or maybe a mix of both. I logged into an old IM account one day and was surprised when she messaged me. We started talking regularly, and we agreed that once she moved back to our home state, I’d take her out for dinner so we could catch up properly.

A few months later, you wouldn’t have found a happier pair. We were in love, passionate, and excited about the future—planning ahead, moving in together, thinking about kids and a house. But life isn’t always smooth; there are hills to climb. There were moments we fought, yelled, and even questioned whether our bond could hold up. More than once, we came close to breaking apart.

Since then, we’ve worked through those rough patches. We’re now resolved and absolutely certain about each other for the long haul. I feel happier with her than ever before. I also believe this is a turning point in our relationship for reasons I’ll explain below.

“Let’s get physical, physical, I wanna get physical”: Like many couples, we started out with an intense hunger for each other. Our sex life was frequent, uninhibited, and hot. But like everything else, it has had its ups and downs (which are closely linked).

One thing has stayed constant: our willingness to talk about our kinks and desires. Over the last four years, we’ve explored several interests together, most recently chastity. When I first brought up the idea of staying chaste, she reacted with some defensiveness—a common response for women. She wondered why I’d want to be locked up, if it meant giving up sex with her entirely, and so on. But after we discussed it, she realized I wasn’t seeking abstinence or cutting off our sexual connection. Instead, I wanted to enhance it, handing over control of my sexuality completely to her.

Once she understood why chastity appealed to me, she agreed to try it. Soon enough, I found myself locked in a CB-6000. The adjustment has been fairly smooth, and I really enjoy knowing that she holds sexual power over me. Her main struggle is how much she loves my orgasm. She adores the moment when her cock pulses as cum shoots out. Denying him this feels like a tough pill for her to swallow (though she seemed to quite enjoy the ruined orgasm he produced last time we played).

A new dimension: During our short experience with chastity, I’ve been surprised by how much her dominance turns me on—not just physically, but emotionally. This realization brought up feelings I hadn’t fully grasped before. I have always prioritized making her happy. In fact, I care so deeply about her happiness that a lot of the frustration I felt in the past came from knowing I had somehow upset her or let her down.

Reading posts here and on other sites online helped me realize how much I truly want to be a submissive partner. Not just during sex, not only on occasional weekends when we act out scenes, but fully, unconditionally, 24/7. I want to be her slave, the one who spoils her, doing whatever she wants whenever she asks. I want to belong to her…

As anyone with these feelings knows, it’s hard to communicate them well. It’s nearly impossible to make someone understand how willingly you serve without conditions. A user here named ChasteBr recently posted an “Open Letter” that captures the emotions and desires I’ve been trying to express. He talks about needing control, wanting discipline, and the selflessness required of a true sub/slave. His closing words reflect the psychology of submission perfectly:

I know you are afraid of being cruel. I know you don’t want to hurt me (for real). But I beg you, please control me. Please hurt me any way you want. The best punishment you will ever have for me is to ignore me. To pretend that I am not there serving you. To ignore all that I do and all that I am. That hurts more than any physical pain, embarrassing moment, cruel tease, or months in chastity ever will Click to expand…

While I don’t share his frustration with slow progress (Mistress Lauren is embracing her role better than I could have hoped), the power and truth in his words confirm my own desires.

The journey ahead(Don’t Stop, Believin’): I know this new lifestyle dynamic will have its challenges, just like our “vanilla” relationship did at the start. There will be tough times for both of us. But through it all, I hope to become her 24/7 submissive partner and slave. It may take time for her to find her dominant side on her own terms and learn to exercise power without guilt. With every new step she takes and boundary she pushes, I’ll be right there beside her, ready to serve however much she desires.

:anim_32: Here’s to our new life, our passion, our future, and my endless love for the woman I wish to serve. Stay tuned… :heart: