Journals and blogs discussion

Hello everyone In my opening post within the introduction area, I noted that my mother and sister have recently uncovered certain details about me which they are not pleased with. To set the stage, I will begin by sharing a bit of background on myself before diving into those specifics. Ever since I can recall, even prior to understanding terms like ‘crossdressing’, ‘sissy’, or ‘submissive’, I have always loved being teased and directed by women. For as long as my feet could still fit inside them, I have worn my mother’s shoes, and for nearly six years now, ever since childhood, I have secretly tried on her clothing. As I matured and grasped the nature of this urge, I started purchasing my own garments and experimenting with other feminine elements such as cosmetics, nail polish, breast forms, and similar accessories. When university began, my time spent with female friends pushed these sissy tendencies almost to disappearance. My interest in femininity—along with its associated clothing, demeanor, and look—was fulfilled by being with the girlfriend I had then. Since breaking up three years ago, I have slipped back into this realm that brings me so much joy, and now there seems no path out of it. I yearn for a daily routine where I can dress in feminine attire. My strongest fetishes are high heels, corsets, and shiny red lipstick paired with nails. I know none of this sounds strange to you all here; it is comforting that outsiders might view it as odd or weird while we see it differently.

I am a 23-year-old (turning 24 in two weeks’ time;-D) straight British Indian man, standing at 6’3” (minus the heels:-D). Outside of my sissy pursuits, I appear quite masculine. It is not easy for me to explore my feminine side often because I currently sport a beard and short hair on my head. Being naturally hairy all over means that removing most of it to achieve a more girly look would immediately raise eyebrows among those around me.

Over the past few years, I have decided that living in chastity with a mandatory feminine appearance is something I must attain because I crave it so intensely that it occupies my thoughts every minute. My goal is to attend some local munches once I muster up the courage to leave my computer chair and meet people within our community.

My only escape from what feels like a dull, unexciting life right now is finding someone who matches me but complements me oppositely—someone who understands my needs and cares for them just as I will care for theirs.

Returning to the start of this post and why I began it: being outed. A few nights ago, my mum and sister sat me down for a ‘chat’. I realized then that trouble was ahead. Two days before this conversation, I had noticed that a bag of my girly clothes beneath my bed had been shifted. When the chat topic arose, I knew immediately what was coming. Over several years, they had observed their makeup and jewelry being moved at various times, and finding women’s clothing in my room confirmed their suspicions.

I admitted to using their items and did my best to explain my reasons to my family (who until then believed me to be the most manly male possible). Comparing myself to Eddie Izzard helped. I apologized for borrowing their things and invading their privacy, which gave them every right to be annoyed with me.

However, they didn’t fully grasp why I cross dress; they don’t see the lighter side of my borrowing makeup just as sisters do with each other. The outcome seems to be that they would prefer to pretend this never happened and keep away from their belongings so we can maintain this illusion. This suits me well since I have a small collection of my own cosmetics and jewelry.

The issue now is that they will constantly watch for signs that I am still cross dressing: cotton pads with makeup residue, hints of nail polish on my nails or face after cleaning off the main layers, etc. Since they didn’t understand much of what I said, I told them I would stop to help us all move forward. Coming back from university has been difficult for many reasons, and this lack of privacy is becoming a major hurdle.

My original plan was to find work outside my hometown and relocate, but I have just secured my dream job here in the city, meaning I will continue living at home until I can afford a house. Justifying getting my own flat right now would be hard on any grounds my parents understand. Saying ‘I need privacy so I can dress as a girl when I return from work and host girls who tell me what to do for both our pleasure’ probably won’t convince them.:P

SO…for now, I am a frustrated sissy, but not in the ideal way. That is my story so far. Sim

Only 23? It's time to move out into your own place and develop as a person.

As a 6'3" straight bearded British male French maid, I feel for you. Being part of the Asian community likely makes it even harder since the pressures to conform to accepted stereotypes are stronger. My suggestion would be to try connecting with someone in your area who shares similar interests and will let you dress at their place while storing your things there. As a straight male—and by far, most of us with our fetishes **are** straight—it can sometimes be harder to share our secret with other men than with women. The idea of dressing around another man might seem frightening, but it could be worth mentioning which county you are in or city you are near, just in case someone here is willing to help. In the meantime, focus on that new dream job! You know it makes sense.;)