Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

Greetings everyone - I haven’t posted in quite some time. My spouse and I paused our chastity routine a few months back because I essentially panicked while she started dating other men. She was initiating these connections with my permission, but it became too much for me to bear. The issue is that even though we ceased the chastity / femdom / etc activities, I still find myself dreaming about them constantly. I mentioned this to her recently and she expressed willingness to have me re-wear the device if I am truly committed this time and cannot retreat from it. I asked for clarification and she explained that she felt deeply hurt by my withdrawal of all her authority and liberty, vowing it won’t happen again. She has indicated that moving forward, I must follow the established rules or face severe punishment for any breaches. By the way, she purchased a riding crop previously but never got around to using it - though for some reason, I am certain she longed to use it on me before our previous dynamic collapsed. Furthermore, she wants me to begin with a three-month period in the device so we can both adjust to our renewed roles. She read an online story about this approach and believes it is very logical. I suspect she also acknowledges that enduring three months without orgasm might be difficult for me, giving her ample opportunity to discipline me. I am undecided on how to proceed. I realize she does not wish for me to toy with her emotions, so she only cares if the commitment is genuine. However, I remain uncertain about managing it indefinitely. Perhaps back to therapy… Thanks for letting me ramble.

Chastity play works best when both parties enjoy the mutually agreed-upon arrangement. It appears she is suggesting something you may not favor. You should keep talking it over with her. Even Femdom dynamics rely on mutual understanding and trust. mikecb

Good luck. You need to approach this as a team. The KH role matters just as much as the submissive's.

Dear John I know your situation well. A few years back I met my present wife. All those desires for BDSM and chastity had been deep inside me, so I decided to discuss them with her. She was an absolute beginner in this area but clearly suspected it existed within me. At first, I taught her about my needs and she agreed to play a passive role over time. Gradually, she grew to love it more. Eventually, she shifted into being an active mistress who pursued her own goals—goals that weren't always aligned with what I wanted! I considered trying to stop the arrangement—not sure if it was due to fear or comfort—but she helped me see there are really only two choices: In or Out. No need to explain "in" and "out," you know. Nor do I need to say more, because we truly love each other! All this stuff has nothing to do with whether you love someone or not; rather, I believe love must be part of it for things to succeed. It is essentially a blend of sex and lifestyle. So your options are the same as mine were: In or Out. You want your desires fulfilled, right? If so, you've been "topping from the bottom," just like I used to. Now that you have tasted its limits, do you fear being topped fully by her instead? I understand. When it comes down to discussing all this—self-determined submission, consensual play—it stops working once you pass a certain point. Suddenly you realize: my inner world is becoming truer than ever before! Yesterday we dreamed about it; today we feel the fear? Look closely at how important your dreams are to you. If they matter greatly: DO IT! If not: DON`T! Here is some good news for you: If you choose to do it and later find yourself unable to endure, there is always a way out—you have nothing to lose. If you decide against it, you will keep dreaming endlessly... I fear that isn't ideal for a happy relationship, especially since you both know what the prospects offer. I chose to go ahead with it. Sometimes I dislike this decision, but mostly I love it because I would hate myself more if I hadn't! Pardon my English—the mistress is still working on her skills (ouch)