Female led relationships discussion

I’ve never posted about my very first sexual encounter and the rejection that came with it. I’m not sure why I waited. Perhaps I buried those memories deep down.

Bad girls really get me excited! The kind who like bad boys, dress in a sexy way, tease guys like me mercilessly, then run off to have sex with more deserving men. These were my private thoughts as puberty began shaping my sexuality and dominating me. It humiliated me and filled me with guilt when I jacked off looking at images of strong women who hurt me both physically and emotionally because I felt inadequate. Why would a high school student like me, who hadn’t even had sexual contact with a woman yet, have these thoughts?

Something was definitely wrong. Looking in the mirror, I noticed there wasn’t any pubic hair at all. Here I was, still a teenager, but my body refused to grow hair around my genitals. It got so embarrassing that I stopped attending gym class because of the public showers afterwards.

At night, I tried hard not to touch myself. I started craving sex even though I knew something wasn’t right. My fantasies had me on my knees begging a girl for some sexual favor. But it was mostly in my head; realistically, most days were taken up with school and homework. Under the cover of darkness, before falling asleep in my room, I would touch my hairless penis and testicles. It felt so good.

Then the door to my room opened. I froze, exposed by my sister and her girlfriend. We lived upstairs in separate rooms at our parents’ house; there was an exit doorway from my bedroom leading outside. My sister and her girlfriend (whom I had a crush on, naturally) were sneaking out of the house. They assumed I was asleep, so I let them believe it by pretending to sleep, even though I had an erection. It wasn’t standing straight up, just extended along my pubic bone.

When they saw me, they stopped and looked. I felt aroused that they were staring at my penis. They couldn’t help but stare because it was quite a sight—a train wreck of sorts. Then came the giggling and whispering. Over the next few months, they snuck out through my bedroom several times a week. Each time I pretended to sleep (and often really did). But one night, early in this sexual ritual, they stopped, giggled, and whispered loud enough for me to hear their curiosity: how could a penis and testicles be so tiny and have no pubic hair?

I eventually started growing some pubic hair, but it looked silly as I got used to having a bald patch. I’ve kept myself completely shaved ever since. That experience showed me my penis was small, yet I desperately wanted sex with a girl. I remained a virgin until senior year of college. Throughout high school and college, my submissive thoughts grew deeper.

marcus

This is actually quite fascinating to read. The inadequacies we feel can be conquered in several ways, especially through sexual means, but the most fun comes from eroticizing them. For most people, this might seem hard, but it's actually the easiest path for those brave enough to face their quirks head-on and hold them up like you have done. This forum gives us a place to "wave our flags" in that way while supporting each other. Others might buy things or do things to compensate, whereas you find no real need to drive the biggest truck or drink more liquor than everyone else—whatever men typically do to make up for it. In my opinion, this is a much healthier and far more FUN approach. It makes you very lucky indeed to find a woman who supports you, loves you, and joins you in this lifestyle. Gee, that sounds "shrinkish," hope you don't mind!:anim_32: So there is my take on your post; it's very cool, Marcus. subklik.

I wish I hadn't grown hair down there either. Then I wouldn't have to shave lol

Thank you for your comments. I hope this encourages more people. High school and college were full of intense frustration for me. Between schoolwork, my part-time job, and extracurricular activities, I was always busy. Yet several girls made my lust for them surge to an uncontrollable level. It must have been amusing for them to "feel" my pulsating lust when they were near. The reward? Sexual rejection mixed with offers of "friendship." And indeed, I had several close female friends. I couldn't help but talk about sex with them (hoping for actual intimacy, though the result was often like a phone sex experience). I can laugh at it now, but a couple told me my conversations made them so horny they had to run home and fuck their boyfriends—my first taste of cuckolding. About midway through college, a girl allowed me to become intimate with her. There were rules. I could summon all my submissive need to worship her as a Goddess, but she would have nothing to do with my penis. I agreed. She wasn't exactly a Domme; she wanted intimacy but didn't want to lose her virginity. It was intense and put pressure on me. After several pleasurable evenings where I worshipped every part of her, I finally achieved intimate contact with a woman. It was just as good as I had fantasized. The only thing missing was the ultimate pleasure of her hands, mouth, or pussy touching my penis. Over the next few years, I discovered that when I became intimate with a woman, I spent all my energy worshipping her. My brain would short-circuit from lust. Erections often failed to happen during sex, though they were plenty hard when my hand touched my penis while alone. When penetration was needed, however, it didn't work. This drove me further into submission. Feelings of unworthiness filled me with anxiety. This pattern continued through every sexual experience right up until now. A few girls stuck around; if we had intimacy several times, I eventually got comfortable enough to get an erection. But then came the letdown for her: my erection would only reach about 3 1/2 inches. I really lust after big girls with large breasts and huge asses. My tiny erection made many sexual positions impossible. Generally, the only penetration success I ever had was when the girl took the top position. Actual penetrative sex with women remained rare. In my few long-term relationships, the girls cheated on me (privately). As I aged, cuckolding seemed to become the successful outcome for me. I did pay dominant females from time to time as well. All these experiences led me to my current relationship. She has lovers, and I get to sleep in our bed with her used panties. I worship her asshole almost daily. marcus

Interesting comment about the lack of erections; I have the same issue. When I am intimate with my Wife or any woman in general, for that first while I get no erection and it feels like it doesn't matter whether I do or not. Women don't quite get this though; they think they aren't sexy enough or something similar. After a bit of time, erections on cue are usually no problem. BTW, if it makes any difference at all (though I'm sure it's more psychological), I am quite thick and long, yet the same issues affect me. Once had a six-week period with a really pretty woman where that piece between my legs didn't wake up once! I just wanted to please her in every other way. This is why our relationship choices work best for us: eroticizing the psychological side of things. So, it's encouraging for me to hear this. Keep telling!

My wife has a very high sex drive! For a while there, we thought her lover of several years was going to move in with us. I think that might have been just a fantasy, but he stays over for about a week every now and then. They have sex daily when he is around. When he's gone, my wife's sex drive drops to zero. I am generally nude, yet she treats me like a eunuch. When he is nude, she is all over his cock. The difference in her sexual attitude between the two of us—well, for lack of a better way to put it—is just how it is. Sexual attraction, lust, and desire cannot be forced. He turns her on sexually; I do not. She never allows a lover near her asshole. It really turns her off. However, from our very first night together, she indulged me as I begged to worship her asshole. All that first night long, I worshipped both her asshole and feet. That has been my sex life with her ever since. During the first couple of years of our relationship, she watched me sniff her panties and jerk off. This became less frequent as she enjoyed putting me into chastity. She finally confessed that watching me dribble out cum and have an orgasm seemed terribly wrong to her and really turned her off. She just couldn't force herself to watch or be involved with my sexual pleasure. When I worship her asshole, I never erect, but I do leak long strings of precum. This bothers her too; she bought me dozens of thick baby socks years ago which I must wear over my penis when worshipping her ass. Her lover is a totally different story though: she loves sucking his cock and his cum ends up all over the bedsheets leaking from her pussy. Jealousy and envy were the two emotions I struggled to control. Now, it feels like my testicles might as well be cut off since I am functionally a eunuch. Inside, I still have lust; outside, my penis leaks precum. Functionally, however, I am like the millions of eunuch males over centuries who helped their Domina have great sex. My next post will describe my insane guilt feelings when I do manage an orgasm (which is very rare and usually in private). These feelings started many years before I met my wife, but her attitude towards my sexuality has greatly increased those feelings of guilt (and selfishness) whenever I allow myself any kind of sexual pleasure, especially orgasm. marcus