Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

So, here’s some background on me. I’ve had an interest in chastity and orgasm denial for quite a while now (I’m 19). However, I don’t have a keyholder yet. Being solo, I often play by self-locking myself up. I rarely stay locked longer than a few days at most. My record is five days. But that’s not the main point.

What I am trying to figure out, and hoping some of you can help with your experience or knowledge: When arousal hits me, I usually tease myself, edge, do all those things. Then, I feel like I shouldn’t cum because the idea of being denied turns me on greatly (so sometimes I lock myself). But once I do come—whether it’s a full release or a ruined one—that feeling vanishes completely and flips to its opposite. I immediately feel relieved that I came because I avoided wasting time on this pointless stuff that would have happened otherwise (which is exactly how I view the whole concept of chastity/denial in that moment). So, I hate it. I despise chastity, orgasm denial, etc. It seems redundant and silly to me. Yet, after some time passes, arousal returns, and the cycle restarts. Right now, as I write this, I’m horny (I’ve been without an orgasm for 2 days). If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be hanging around this page; I’d delete my browsing history because I’d be absolutely certain that this is the last time, really it is. From here on out, I won’t engage in this silly, time-wasting activity. And yet, I keep coming back.

So, what am I trying to understand? Do I want chastity/orgasm denial or not? Will it make me happier (yes, I know it shouldn’t be all about me, but I don’t have someone specific to please), or won’t it? On a side note regarding my sexual preferences, I would choose pleasing over being pleased any day. I’d readily swap intercourse for giving oral pleasure. However, I am still a virgin and haven’t done either yet, but I know what I want. So, any thoughts? Thanks.

There are *plenty* of ways to approach chastity play. At age 19, everything related to sex feels much more intense emotionally and physically than it will later in life. So enjoy the intensity while you can! For me at least, the post-orgasmic dynamic is *very* different depending on whether a partner or keyholder is involved. For solo play, there’s nothing pushing back against that letdown you described. You find yourself thinking, "Wow, this was great! Why did I deny myself? What am I gaining from this? How silly!" And you’re right about it going so far. (Of course, as you’ve experienced, your feelings can shift, and you might find the building frustration gratifying in its own way). But there is more happening when a partner is involved. For me, the absolute best part of chastity is when my partner locks me back up right after I am allowed an orgasm. At that moment, I don’t want it—it seems silly and unnecessary—but it’s also incredibly hot. And then it gets even hotter as my desire grows. Try this experiment next time you allow yourself release: Imagine you’ve found a sexy partner with whom you just had amazing sex for the first time after weeks of flirting. That dream partner has just let you have a mind-blowing orgasm (you’re giving it to yourself, but play along here). Now, as you lie there in that blissful post-orgasmic state, imagine your sexy partner whispers in your ear, "I really love how you’ve been over the last couple of weeks, and I want you like this when I see you next. So promise me right now that for the next week—seven whole days, starting right here—you’ll think about me constantly but won’t touch yourself at all." And then lock yourself back up (or promise yourself no masturbation for at least a week, starting right there). See how that works for you. You will have to use your imagination.

Fancyusername Another option could be an online keyholder? She would provide targets and rewards for reaching them. Just a thought—good luck! Mistress Deborah

> FancyUsername said: > So, here’s some background on me. I’ve had an interest in chastity and orgasm denial for quite a while now (I’m 19). However, I don’t have a keyholder yet. Being solo, I often play by self-locking myself up. I rarely stay locked longer than a few days at most. My record is five days. But that’s not the main point. > What am I trying to figure out, and hoping some of you can help with your experience or knowledge: > When arousal hits me, I usually tease myself, edge, do all those things. Then, I feel like I shouldn't cum because the idea of being denied turns me on greatly (so sometimes I lock myself). But once I do come—whether it's a full release or a ruined one—that feeling vanishes completely and flips to its opposite. I immediately feel relieved that I came because I avoided wasting time on this pointless stuff that would have happened otherwise (which is exactly how I view the whole concept of chastity/denial in that moment). So, I hate it. I despise chastity, orgasm denial, etc. It seems redundant and silly to me. Yet, after some time passes, arousal returns, and the cycle restarts. Right now, as I write this, I’m horny (I’ve been without an orgasm for 2 days). If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be hanging around this page; I’d delete my browsing history because I’d be absolutely certain that this is the last time, really it is. From here on out, I won't engage in this silly, time-wasting activity. And yet, I keep coming back. > So, what am I trying to understand? Do I want chastity/orgasm denial or not? Will it make me happier (yes, I know it shouldn’t be all about me, but I don’t have someone specific to please), or won't it? > On a side note regarding my sexual preferences, I would choose pleasing over being pleased any day. I’d readily swap intercourse for giving oral pleasure. > However, I am still a virgin and haven’t done either yet, but I know what I want. > So, any thoughts? > Thanks. > Click to expand... I have/had the same problem as you do. And I’m 32 years old. Don't think it will just go away. But an online keyholder is actually what worked for me. Now I am allowed a few orgasms a year and I have no idea when they are permitted. When I do orgasm, it is the most intense and greatest feeling ever. You get so exhausted after an orgasm that you don’t want to hate chastity or anything like that. You just forget about it for a while;) You should get yourself an online key holder;) Or better......a real key holder;)

You need a KH. DO IT.

Yeah, I agree with most of you; a keyholder would be the solution. > gibnot said: > You need a KH. DO IT. > Click to expand... Yeah, I wish it were that easy! They don't exactly grow on trees;). But I'll try my best.

The feelings you experience after orgasm are not unusual. I can't pinpoint the exact cause, but it is a fact of life. I have experienced the same thing (perhaps less severe), and I know many others share this. Do you want to be in chastity? Well, since you keep coming back to it, yes, probably so. All I can tell you is that when you do orgasm, try not to let those negative thoughts consume you. Try thinking of other things instead. As for finding a KH, you're young; be patient. The great relationships in my life have all come along when I least expected them.