Here is exactly how I go about a man nobody can vouch for

Since half this board is men complaining that nobody will take a chance on them, here is precisely how I do it, in order, so anybody writing knows what he is agreeing to. Two months of letters. A phone call. A short meeting somewhere ordinary in the middle of the day. Then another one. Then, if all of that has been dull and consistent, we talk about what an arrangement might actually look like.

Thirty six, the northern quarter, nine years leading, two arrangements, one of them with a man every bit as unvouchable as the men complaining.

A friend always knows where I am and when I am expected back, and I say so out loud rather than arranging it quietly. A man who is fine with that tells me something. A man who is offended by it tells me a great deal more.

The part men get wrong is thinking the two months are a hurdle to be cleared. They are the arrangement in miniature. If writing carefully every week while very little happens is a chore, then the thirtieth month of standing duties will be unbearable, and we will both have found that out cheaply.

What I want at the end of it is a long domestic arrangement with real duties and a fixed day. Nothing is for hire and no money moves in any direction. What I do not want is to be asked to shorten the process because somebody has already waited a long time.