Wanted · New York · Women who lead
The most requested thing on this board is the one thing I will not do
- Wants
- somebody who wants structure rather than to be made small
- Experience
- Twelve years leading, and twelve years of saying no to this.
- Around
- Queens, New York
Roughly two thirds of what arrives in my messages is asking, in one wording or another, to be humiliated. Verbally, in front of others, in writing, in whatever form. It is the most requested thing by a distance and it is the one thing I have never done in twelve years and never will.
I want to be careful here. I am not judging anybody who wants it and I know several women who do it well and enjoy it. It simply does not exist anywhere in me. I cannot be cruel to somebody I have chosen to have in my life, even at his request, even as a game, and the two occasions early on when I tried made me feel unwell for a week afterwards.
Thirty nine, Queens, twelve years leading. What I do instead is entirely about competence. High standards, clear instructions, real duties, and correction that consists of telling a man precisely what was wrong and having him do it again properly. There is a great deal of intensity in that. There is nothing degrading in any of it.
What I want is a long domestic arrangement built exactly that way. Somebody who wants to be good at something for another person.
If what you actually want is the other thing, we will both be disappointed, and I would rather you knew from the post than found out in the second month.
Where this one puts you on the route
If you read this one twice, you are at stage four whether you meant to arrive there or not. Nearly everything that goes wrong from here goes wrong in the first message.
- 04 Read her stated instructions before you write a word
- 04 Writing the first message, with two short ones in full
- 04 The seven openers that get deleted unread
Also in New York
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Here is what makes me open a second letter, since nobody says it
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