I have been asked four times and the answer has not changed

Four separate people have suggested that I might be a switch. Two of them meant it kindly, one was flirting, and one seemed genuinely unable to accept that a man could be sure. I have thought about it seriously each time, because it would be foolish not to, and the answer has been the same at twenty six and at thirty eight.

Thirty eight, Manhattan, twelve years in, three arrangements, the longest six years. I am not curious about leading. Not privately, not in theory. I have tried it once, at a partner's request, out of fairness, and it was like being asked to enjoy a dish I have no palate for.

I mention this because there is an assumption on boards like this that certainty is inexperience and that anybody sufficiently open minded will eventually want everything. In my case twelve years of consistency is not a lack of imagination. It is data.

What I want is a long arrangement with a woman who leads because she is that, not because she is accommodating somebody. Household service, standing rules, a real place in a week. I am good at it, I have never been bored by it, and I have never once wondered what the other side is like.

What I do not want is to be gently encouraged to explore. I have explored. This is where I live.