Four years sober, and this has to fit around that, not the reverse

Four years and two months without a drink. That fact governs everything else about how I do this, and it has cost me two conversations with people who found it inconvenient, so I put it at the top now.

What it means in practice is small and specific. I do not meet anybody anywhere that is primarily a bar. I have commitments on two evenings a week that do not move for anything, and if somebody suggests an evening that conflicts, the answer is no rather than a negotiation. And I need a certain amount of routine, which fortunately is the thing I am here looking for.

Forty two, Brooklyn, seven years in this altogether. The first three were while I was drinking and I do not think I was doing any of it honestly. The last four have been slower, thinner and far better.

What I want is structure that supports a life rather than being an escape from one. Standing rules. Somebody who expects a message at a fixed hour and treats a missed one as a fact rather than a drama. I would like to be useful, and I am, and I have a great deal more time than most people because I no longer lose whole evenings.

I am not looking to be managed or monitored. I have people for that and it is not a job I would hand to somebody I am also involved with. And I am not looking for anyone who thinks four years means it is finished.