The disappearing act happens at the third message and I have theories

It is always the third message. The first two are warm and quick, and then I write something that requires an actual answer about his life, and there is silence. Not a decline. Nothing at all. Eight times last year.

I have thought about it a lot and I do not think it is rudeness. I think a certain number of men want the writing rather than the thing, and the writing is lovely until the moment it starts to become a commitment with a Tuesday attached to it. At that point the whole appeal collapses and it is easier to disappear than to say so.

Forty one, Queens, eleven years leading, two arrangements of six and three years. What I would ask is this: if you get to the third message and realise you wanted the correspondence and not the arrangement, say so. I will not be offended. I will probably keep writing to you occasionally, because a good correspondent is worth having on any terms and I have kept two.

What I actually want is somebody past that stage. A long structured arrangement, real duties, a place in my week. I am direct, I am not cruel, and I have never once punished anybody for honesty.

If you want a fantasy that stays comfortable, that is a legitimate thing to want and there are better places for it than a woman who is going to ask you what your Wednesday looks like.