Thirty, leading for eight years, and constantly told I am too young

The most common thing men say to me, after they have said the other thing, is that they were expecting somebody older. It is often meant as a compliment and it never lands as one, because what it actually says is that they came here looking for a type rather than a person.

Thirty, Brooklyn, and I have been leading since I was twenty two, which is eight years, which is longer than a good number of the men writing to me have been doing this at all.

I know where the assumption comes from. There is a picture in a lot of men's heads and it involves a particular age and a particular manner, and it comes from fiction rather than from anybody's life. The women I know who actually run long arrangements are all sorts of ages and none of us look like the picture.

What I want is a long arrangement with real household structure. I have a demanding job, a small apartment and a schedule I intend to keep, and I want somebody who fits into that and makes it run better rather than somebody who needs an occasion arranged for him.

What I am not is inexperienced, a novelty, or willing to be addressed as though I were performing a character. And I am not, before it is asked for the two hundredth time, available for anything at any price. There is nothing here for sale.